Okay here's a brand new one. Comment as you will.????

sheer



I chose to put myself out on the line,

Looking this and that way for a sign.

Way too young to shop for a casket,

Much too old for flowers in a basket.



Don't know which way I should go,

Time it seems its moving way too slow.

Eat these pills they'll make you well,

Maybe not though only time will tell.



Seems to me I feel your presence near,

Nylons rubbing and they feel sheer.

Take your time I've nowhere I've got to be,

Luckily the government hasn't got to me.



Taking time and cutting it in half,

Slaughtered like a newborn calf.

Ending seems to always be the same,

The only thing that changes is the name.



The one thing I cant live without,

The irony of it makes me shout.

She is beautiful and dangerous,

I'm just old and cantankerous.



The time is short to tell my tale

I'd give it all to see her in a veil.

Time took off and left me behind,

Gonna take a while to unwind.

Okay here's a brand new one. Comment as you will.????
It sounds like Edgar Allan Poe on Paxil.



It's actually very very good! I liked it.
Reply:Really good poem. It's nice to know there is someone whom you've connected with on this type of level. Keep doing a good job writing these poems.
Reply:that was good , i like it.
Reply:Hmmm its kind of complicated. It is not as good as ur other poems. It is hard for ur reader to understand the main focus of the poem. But, keep writing n keep sharing. God bless.
Reply:Very nice.
Reply:as usual, i love it.
Reply:it sounds like something a butcher or serial killer on the run would write.... hmmm, more like serial killer to me... "Luckily the government hasn't got to me" and "taking time and cutting it in half", what kind of person names an animal you're gonna slaughter?... you sure those are animals you're killing?
Reply:Good Job.
Reply:I liked your cutting time in half... Nice poem. 'Diable de temps', as a French singer used to say...
Reply:another great poem.you make those words just sail thru your poems ,, they are so good i can;t wait till the other line,, damn dark angel you are the best,.,.
Reply:this too is good.how old are you by the way?
Reply:your poetry always makes me feel light headed its beutiful i loved it
Reply:Luckily the government hasn't come???? You wouldn't be talking about a little girl in nylons would you?? You old cantankerous man. There it is...in *black and white*...you're a pervert.
Reply:Beautiful poem as always!!!

I'm not quite sure of the meaning though. It seems to have so many, that it becomes unclear. Or maybe I'm just not seeing it. But anyways, good job!!!! :-)



~mystic~%26lt;3%26lt;3%26lt;3
Reply:Fantastic, i liked your poem and how did you come up with this beutiful poem?? your a genius i must say :)
Reply:There's a lot there. Is "sheer" the nylons or the veil? "Maybe not though only time will tell" needs some punctuation to accent it's metre and resolve its ambiguity. In line two of your first verse "way" would make the metre more regular if place after this rather than that, it is there you need a long syllable to balance. Eat these pills is a bit crude, are they medication or pills you've stockpiled? The last half of the poem gives an uneasy feeling of abandonment, and looks like you've aged considerably from Verse one. Is the person in the nylons a nurse or caretaker, and do they change over time? Time becomes an adversary that you long to hold onto, yet seems to get the better of you just as it slips away. In verse three you could easily leave "I've got" out and end up with a metre matching that of the other verses. Verse four you've split the infinitive "to be", bring it back together and follow it with always, it'll also improve your metre. The devil is always in the details, good poetry is more than words on a page, it is language masterfully managed. What does "the government" have to do with the rest of your poem?
Reply:nice :)
Reply:......
Reply:Sensational, I love it!!!! Is good, kinda complicated, but is beautiful. You done it again, my undercover poet.



Your angel of San Juan

Marilyn
Reply:it's good, very good.



makes you think.
Reply:Very complicated and very beautiful. As always your poems take my breathe away. Keep writing!

-Shadow
Reply:Cheer up. Thing will get better.
Reply:it's ok....
Reply:i am sooo with angelina on this one, all of your poetry is beautiful.

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