HELP! Trouble in Paradise. Need help saving my relationship!?

We've been together for almost 4 years. We've been engaged since May. (I am 21 he is 22) I found out I was pregnant the begining of June and then had a miscarriage in July. He had always been really loving towards me...opening doors, paying for dinner, doing random things for me like buying me flowers, he was always kind and concerned about me, always there for and and never really concerned about himself. He ALWAYS put me first. Since the miscarriage he has become distant and practically not there for me anymore. I found out that he was talking to some girl on line! I have a major problem with this, but he doesn't see where it matters since they are just "friends". He used to not care that I looked at his myspace page...now he has me blocked and it's private so no one I know can even see it. This too concerns me and he sees no problem with it. When I confronted him about it he said "well maybe we shouldn't be together if you can't trust me!" He doesn't see the problem with any of this

HELP! Trouble in Paradise. Need help saving my relationship!?
I'm so sorry for what you're going through.



I don't know that I can associate the miscarriage with this change in your relationship. Are you sure there wasn't something else along the way that you're overlooking? If it is about the miscarriage, maybe he's concerned you won't be able to have children, or he's grieving the loss of the child, or reality is starting to set in and he's getting cold feet. It's really hard to say.



As far as everything else, my own experiences in that department were not good. Why aren't you on his myspace friends list? (Is it because you don't have a page? Maybe you should make one then ask to be a friend. You said he blocked you? That's not good.) I've been in a similar situation, and it didn't end up well. When my ex fiance started keeping things like that from me (myspace wasn't around then, but he would converse with a girl on Yahoo but not let me see because he said I'd "misinterpret" what they were talking about), I did a little investigating and found out he was cheating on me. I do not want you to jump to conclusions and accuse your fiance of doing the same; I had physical proof.



I'm sure you've had many talks with him about this, but it's time to have another one. Tell him exactly what you said here: that you're still grieving for the lost baby, that he's not there for you anymore. Ask him what he thinks has changed about you. Tell him it hurts that he doesn't include you in myspace anymore. But there are some things not to do: don't accuse him of anything, just talk to him about what you feel; don't assume that everything that's wrong is because of him, he might be reacting to something you did but didn't realize or something you did but didn't think was still an issue.



Ask him on a date, like in the "old days". Tell him how excited you are about your future together, about getting married. Bring back the old feelings. And if his reactions aren't the way they used to be, have a good conversation about what changed.



Read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." There is actually some good advice in there, even if it does stereotype men and women to the extreme. Read about the love letters and maybe write one to your fiance.



I really am sorry that you're going through this. If you need to vent, let me know. Good luck!
Reply:if your man is looking else where for sex - ask yourself, (not trying to be so bold) how is your love life after your terrible loss?? - is it being reminded constantly to your partner?? - if so, he'll be wanting to put this all behind him and move on and not to be mentioned again.



however, you stated they are just friends - maybe they are at this exact moment in time.



If something dosen't give/change where your relationship is suffering - that will be the end, with no going back - there will be lies come time.





only you know where the change needs to begin
Reply:who with
Reply:First glance I would have to say that he's not into you anymore for some reason... If you have changed and become a nag then that could be it, or it could be another girl, or a million other things.



On the other hand it's possible that the loss of the baby has deeply affected him and he doesn't know how to handle it so he's suppressing his feelings about everything, you and the loss. It's almost impossible to suppress one feeling and not another...



You need to get to the root of the problem before you can solve it.