Future Mother in Law demanding a certain flower girl and ring boy?

I have an issue with my FMIL and I can't decide whether I'm justified in my frustrations or pissed because lately everything's a fight w/ her on wedding planning.





Our wedding is only two months away and she is JUST now demanding things (most of which we have accommodated) even though it means changing other plans we've already made.





I've ALWAYS wanted a really little girl and boy for ring bearer and flower girl but she won't stop fighting for two kids that are older but closer relatives. The girl is 7 and the boy is 8, but we were planning on cute little 4 year old triplets.


So, should I just choose them to avoid a fight? I know it seems like such a minor thing, but I don't think it should be such a big deal. I would assume the parents of the older kids wouldn't think anything of their kids not being asked.





I actually really love my FMIL and she's a sweetheart, but I feel like she's out of line to demand this. What do you think? Should I go w/ what she wants or what I want?

Future Mother in Law demanding a certain flower girl and ring boy?
If you give in to her, you'll remember that you did when you see your wedding pics that have her choice of kids in them. If you do your own thing, you risk her being resentful toward you when it comes to other things as well.





Have you been able to sit down with her and explain why you want the kids that you do? Normally I would say, she's not getting married, you are, so it's not her decision. But if you have a great relationship otherwise, maybe it would be best to suck it up for just this one thing in order to keep things in good standing. What does your fiance think or does he care?





If you do go with the kids that MIL picked, can you do something special for the kids that you wanted to have included?
Reply:wooooow who is getting married here its your big day shes had hers tell her to renew her vows then she can have all the kids she wants doing jobs. if the plannings been in the making for ages then tell her. weddings always have arguments attached. tell her thank you for the ideas but all the plans are in place and you've just run out of money
Reply:With your wedding only 2 months away I think it's a little late to be changing things. Not to mention, the people paying usually have a say in who's invited, not who's in the wedding party (That is yours %26amp; your FH's choice). Stick to your guns on this one.





PS~I think the triplets will look cute.
Reply:I didn't read your whole story sorry, but she can demand all she wants and sulk when you have your way. It is all about you and the people you want in your wedding, KINDLY let her know that and continue with your plans.
Reply:how about a jr. bridesmaid and jr. usher? Then they could dress "like the grownups" and everyone would be involved!





Another idea is to say "oh, I had another idea for those two - I wanted him to bring the preacher his bible and I wanted her to read this poem". Or whatever things you can think of for these kids.





Remember to explain to her how these triplets have been practicing and are excited about their roles in the ceremony. Perhaps the 7yr old girl can be the "flower girl leader" and be in charge of making sure the flower girl(s) get down the aisle without problems, and the boy can have a special similar role.
Reply:I'd go with what you want, especially given the wedding is only 8 weeks away. Wouldn't the triplets have their outfits already? I'd just thank her for her suggestion, but hold firm, and state you have your heart set on the little threesome. Most times is best not to fight the small things, but at this point in time (schedule wise) it's best to put your foot down.
Reply:This wedding is about you and your man, not making other members of the family happy. If you had your heart set on the triplets then go with the triplets, you are going to be the one to remember every little detail about YOUR wedding. This is your day and it should be special for the two of you. Let family voice their opinions but go no further. After all you cant make everyone happy.
Reply:It's your wedding. Not hers.





You might have to nicely remind her of that. (Unless, of course, she is paying for the wedding, in which case....)\
Reply:Why don't you have the 7 and 8 year old do something different in the wedding. I was going to have my older nephew be the bride crier, before I came down the aisle he was going to walk down the aisle with a bell and say "the bride is coming .... the bride is coming" you could actually have both of them do that. If you are getting married in the catholic church they probably won't allow it like mine would not. I think the triplets sounds adorable - stick to your guns on that one.
Reply:it is your day! no one else has the right to demand how things should be!
Reply:Good grief! I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this crap before your wedding. I am sure that she means well, but it's still tough when so much is going on. Just tell her that even though you respect her opionion and ideas, that you and your fiancee have chosen your fg and rb. Period. That's it. She may be upset or whatnot, but in the end what matters is that you are doing what will make you and your fiancee the happiest because it's your special day.


Goodluck and congrats!
Reply:It is your wedding and your big day. You have made enough compromises. Have the 4 year olds they will look adorable. Don't let her dictate any more weather she's paying or not If you can afford it give her the money back and be done with it. Make a stand now or she'll be telling you what to do when the kids come along. I had a 4 year old flower girl that carried my rings and she was really good both my mum and my mum in law thought it was a bad idea but I put my foot down. Choose what you want and dig your heels in
Reply:If she's paying she gets the say. I know...it sucks. It's your wedding but you aren't footing the tab. Think of it this way. If she invited you over to dinner and served meatloaf would you get mad because you wanted to eat chicken that night and argue "but it's MY dinner, not hers!". Some people like my dad don't put any strings and other people like my grandmother love to use money to turn people into their own puppets which is why I don't EVER accept large amounts of money from her. Use this as a lesson and next time the MIL offers up money kindly decline.





In the end though I think accepting the older flower girl and ring bearer will be in your best interest. I know it sounds "so cute" to have 3 toddlers going down the aisle but here's the truth about toddlers. They don't give a flying crap that it's your wedding. Either they get completely shy and start balling and throwing a fit, rip their clothing off, EAT the petals, or get so excited they run straight down the ailse. Multiply frustration times 3. Either way you don't get the romantic sprinkling of petals that you are imagining. A child who is slightly older like 7/8 still has that "cute" look but are old enough to at least be bribed into doing a good job.





She probably shouldn't be suddenly sticking her nose in your business and making changes to the plans but think rationally and don't cut your nose off just to tick off your face.
Reply:You and your fiance have to stop the insanity. Put your foot down and tell her this is how it is. Tell them you already asked the triplets and it wouldn't be fair to take it back from them. And you are not going to have 5 kids do it. The wedding is in 2 months. Tell her everything is the way it is going to be and nothing is going to change. Your fiance should set her straight before she causes more problems. You shouldn't be accomodating her. It is your wedding. If you and your fiance agree then that is what is going to happen. She had her wedding.
Reply:Go with what you want. You are the bride and it's your day not hers. Don't let her bully you into something you don't want to do. Also, if you give into her now, this will set precedence for other big events in your life later. like having a baby, she will want to do things her way for baby showers... holidays and the like. Gotta step it up now, I say. Congrats on your big day!
Reply:Why don't you politely explain that you feel as though you are doing your best to compromise and you realize she is upset over certain decisions you've made about the church but tell her that you and your future husband agreed on asking the younger kids. Maybe throw in the instances you've compromised to their advantage and say you feel like you're being fair and not asking too much. Good luck :)
Reply:Go with what YOU want to do. I understand that she is paying for part of the expenses, but in all honesty that doesn't give her the right to make demands on you.





I had a similar issue with my MIL when I was planning--she wanted her two little nieces as flowergirls. I hated the idea--my husband doesn't like the kids and I didn't want to have too many kids. I outright said no and that we were already set and left it at that.





You need to set boundaries and stick to them, otherwise, you are setting a precedence and she will feel like she can bully you later on on other issues.
Reply:I recommend doing what YOU want. This is YOUR wedding, she has already had hers. 7 %26amp; 8 year olds are more like Jr. Bridesmaids %26amp; Groomsmen anyways. Everyone likes to see the little ones walking down the aisle, and triplets would be precious! Good Luck!
Reply:I hat to say this but unless she's paying for this shindig she really can't demand anything. It's your day and only you and your fiance can decide what's right for you.


To keep the peace I agree with previous poster about the jr attendant idea.
Reply:Two months is kinda short notice to get matching outfits for the seven and eight year old....





Just say no. Keep it simple and calm..refuse to fight over it.


You've already asked the parents of the triplets and can't back out now...it would be rude...and two more kids is too much.





Is she so demanding because the kids in question are 'closer' or is she playing favorites?





The only alternative is to have them as jr bridesmaid and jr usher as the role of ring bearer/flower girls has been filled.





Then there is the issue of whose wedding is it, anyway...perhaps you should ask her....Good Luck.
Reply:Tell her, "sorry, we already asked the mother of the triplets". End it right there. If she says anything else, just repeat it, sorry, we already asked the mother of the triplets. There's not much she can do once you've made plans. It's a huge, huge mistake to change your existing plans for one person---that's called manipulation!