am trying to write a poem and i have found that i am absolutely no good at it...please help me improve?! i am describing a dream i had...any suggestions? The first stanza is a mess...
I dreamt of a world without worries
free of stress and troubles-i dont like this line... suggestions?
lavender skies and (i need a good describing word) clouds
just me - ??
Singing birds of magnificent shades
Ponds of rippling water
Magestic trees, proud and mighty
Rich in color; vivid, intense
And exquisite flowers, delicately swaying
Buds ready to burst into life
An ethereal world
Created by imagination
If only it were real.
My Poem???
You actually have a few pretty good lines. I think you're simply trying to hard...listen:
I dreamt of a world without worries
Lavender skies with
Singing birds of magnificent shades
Ponds of rippling water
Majestic trees, proud, mighty
Exquisite flowers, delicately swaying
Their buds ready to burst into life
An ethereal world
Created by imagination...
If only it were real.
The second line was dropped (you didn't like it anyway) because it was redundant with the first (see? your ear already knew that!). I also dropped "rich in color, vivid, intense" because "that" is not poetry, it's a description of what you might have written...actually, what you'd "already" written, so it was unnecessary. The ellipses (...) between the second to last line and the last line show a break in thought and a return to reality.
The poem may not win any contests, but it is clean and coherent.
Reply:the second line- um, full of love and hope? or free of hate and anger
describing word- golden, maybe tawny- if you want a color, if you dont want a color- um, cotton? soft
the 'just me' part -i dont see a problem
Reply:I had a dream of a world with no worries.
Free of all troubles and pain.
Lavender skies and purple clouds.
A world made for me.
Just a suggestion.
Nice work:)
Reply:Spring is I want to really feel .......should be the last line
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