A new poem in rough draft. What do you think of it?

I Wander Though the Day



Day arrives on the coat tails of the night

bringing along a warm delight.

Golden, like butter on a biscuit cloud,

so lovely you laugh, you laugh out loud.

A boundless sky with a silk of blue,

mark this day with a gemstone hue

and gentle zephers blow so sweet

the purfume of flowers down a little

street, lined with emerald, whispering trees.

O, what a bounty for the bees!

I wander through this glowing place

but when I'm done I go home with haste!

When the night like a lady will glide

down from her starry throne and

in the shadows the sun will hide

until its time for its own.



I know it might need some more work but does the bare bones of it look good to you or not?

A new poem in rough draft. What do you think of it?
That was a beautiful poem! I loved everything about it! Are you sure that was the rough draft because I thought it was incredible! I could never write something as beautiful as that!! How do you write things like that? I loved the last 4 lines a lot!!! I absolutely loved it!
Reply:cool
Reply:It is very good, expecally for a rough draft.

Nice work:)
Reply:delicious...
Reply:fantastic poem.go and get it and your other peoms get them published i recommend authorhouse these are good publishers tell them i recommend you ask for Mr Ross Thomson he is a good book advisor help me with my book here is there details freephone monday -friday 9am -5pm 08001974150
Reply:Such an auspicious rough draft, I can hardly imagine the final copy. It is a beautiful poem of this loveliest of days, a day to make you laugh out loud with happiness. I love how it goes through the entire day and into the night- wonderful imagery there "When the night like a lady will glide down from her starry throne". And then the ending promises a new dawn. I love this just the way it is, but cannot wait to see a final draft. Thank you.
Reply:The bones are lookin pretty awesome! lol! The spine is very straight =^-^= But, be aware of the sun in the ending, it needs more of something. "until it's time for its own" where is that leading to, or coming from, some may think. So try to clarify that.

PS. I LOVE HOW YOU DESCRIBED THE EARTH AS HAVING GEMS EMBEDDED IN ITS SKIES AND GROUND! Wonderful job.

~*WinglessAngel*~
Reply:It looks really good. I give it a 10 out of 10