Read and tell me whether u like it?

The world stood still around me. I am in this small red telephone booth trying to get through the busy lines. It has been a year since I have talked with my family. Now I’m here in this big city alone. I’m here …in the middle of nowhere. I’m here with my own reasons which I myself had invented to runaway from my fears of family love and kinship. Now I’m a total stranger to this land and so is this land to me. But today I have to call them. I punched in the numbers and waited for the line to get through, to reach across all those miles between us. The phone buzzed in my ears. The buzz was getting more and more irritating. I was lost in a time where the flowers were always in bloom and when the sun was always bright, when I found happiness in the small things of life when I found love and perfection in my life. It was like the dusty pages of some old note book. Something that is legible once you clean the dust off it.



I had forgotten those days for a while. It was what I had willingly done. I was in a home where I had two people I barely recognized as my parents. They were rich and that’s all what I knew about them. Let me put it this way they had their way and I had mine. Years passed and I grew up welcoming my youth gracefully. It was then that I started to feel lonely, a feeling that has not gone and was my closest friend. I would lose myself in some old stories or some good music but I seldom talked with my parents. It was at that time that I found myself being handed over to a man. They called it wedding but I just stared at his face wondering who he was, what he was and what all this meant to me. Well what did all that mean to me…Nothing!! I started my life in a new place with new people and a stranger? I could not accept it. Whenever he was close to me so were my suspicions. I could not let go of my ego or my complex or my fears. Me who had gone through my life independent and alone certainly did not admire the new found company. He used to tell me that he loved me but it all meant rubbish to me. But somehow I learned to love from him. I started to care about him. But once I found him with another woman and soon did I find the streets of this big city comforting and I got a job and all those which I had once interpreted as freedom. I left the memories my feelings behind. I hated human race and clasped my loneliness tightly. But somewhere I knew I was wrong. I knew he was not to blame. I never told him that I love him. I never was a wife to him…neither mentally nor physically There was something in my mind that told me that I had left my life a long way back. I used to dream of him; sometimes I used to call his name. But accepting it was tough. I did not. I let it go. I guess. Once I got his letter apologizing and asking me to join him. He was lonely and desperate .He loved me that is what the letter said. But I did not. I did not want to go because I thought he was a liar and the lies were what I hated. But I hardly recognized that I was living a lie.



Last day he called and apologized to me but told him that I hated him and that I would better be dead than be with him. The night seemed to stand still. I knew I wanted him and his love. I knew he loved me and was desperate for me. If he had one last wish I knew it would be me. I knew I was wrong and I could feel the pain of regret and remorse when the acceptance of my wrongs cut through me. Tears flowed from my eyes .I sat there like a statue in the moonlight with no one to turn to and nothing to hold on to. Them I realized that I had to reach him. I had to apologize and I had to get to him and that is why I’m here in this telephone booth trying the line again and again. But it seems to be really busy. I don’t understand why. It’s been quite a while. I punched in the numbers and this time I could hear the phone ring. Someone attended the call. I asked for him. The voice was throaty and not clear. But I got enough to understand what he had said. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes. I clutched the phone tight till my knuckles turned white. I clasped it close to my chest and tears flowed and my heart screamed because yesterday night I had lost a moment …a moment with which I lost my life and its happiness… a moment that has made me alone… all alone!

Read and tell me whether u like it?
Reading this I felt sad and alone, almost as if I was reliving an experience from my past. What you have written is so real and so alive.
Reply:Sana, your writing is touching for in it is sensed despair for wrong choices, and the willingness to amend them; however, there seems an emotional blockage that tends to make you hesitiant.

In all earnestness I sincerely believe that you have a great outline for a true life story, and which could be your success in life, your salvation here on earth today. Keep Writing...You can be great. Jose
Reply:not sure...was not in the mood to read this long stuff....will check back later to read .......sorry :-(
Reply:this is very beautiful is that how you really feel?
Reply:No. i think it is quite typical..
Reply:Heart touching, very good.
Reply:is this a song or a peom or a story? what ever it is it seems to be nice
Reply:I think you need to let me know when it gets published so I can buy a copy. It needs a lot of editing, but is well written.
Reply:Wow it is really good Sana. This has nothing to do with this but my aunts name is Sana. Are you Muslim because your name is a muslim name. I am a Muslim.
Reply:What I think about the story doesn't matter. The fact that you believe in your talent enough to let other people give critical comments says more to me. I think you should put together a draft of short stories. You could add onto it over the next few years and perhaps one will turn into the beginning of a novel. Keep writing. . . about everything, every point of view you can include reaches more people
Reply:Major bummer...
Reply:AWESOME LOVE YOUR STORY DOES IT HAVE A TITLE
Reply:The world stands* still around me. I am in this small red telephone booth trying to get through the busy lines. It has been a year since I have talked with my family. Now I’m here in this big city alone. I’m here …in the middle of nowhere. I’m here with my own reasons which I myself had invented to runaway from my fears of family love and kinship. Now I’m a total stranger to this land and so too* is this land to me. But today I have to call them. I punched in the numbers and waited for the line to get through, to bridge* those miles between us. The phone buzzed in my ears. The buzz was getting more and more irritating. I was lost in a time where the flowers were always in bloom and when the sun was always bright, when I found happiness in the small things in* life, a time when* I found love and perfection in my life. It was like the dusty pages of some old notebook*. Some poignant memories exist, after the dust swept away...*



I had forgotten those days for a while. It was what I had willingly done. I was in a home where I had two people I barely recognized for* parents. They were rich and that’s all what I knew about them; they knew just about as much about me*. Let me put it this way: they had their way and I had mine. Years passed and I grew up welcoming my youth gracefully. It was then that I started to feel lonely, a feeling that hasn't dissipated* and is* my closest friend. I would lose myself in some old stories or some good music but I seldom talked with my parents. It was at that time that I found myself being handed over to a man. They called it a 'wedding'* but I just stared at his face wondering who he was, what lay beneath his gaze?* What did the union of man and wife mean to me?* I started my life in a new place with new people and a stranger? I could not accept it. Whenever he was close to me, I grew suspicious*. I wasn't ready to relinquish my life to him*. Me, the one* who had gone through my life independent and alone certainly did not admire the present* company. He used to tell me that he loved me but it was merely dross* to me. But somehow I learned the grace of love from him*. I started to care about him. But upon the discovery of another woman in his life, I hit the streets of this big city, comforted, and I got a job, which seemed like freedom*. I left the memories, my feelings, my "love" behind. I hated the* human race and clasped onto* my loneliness tightly. But somehow I knew I was wrong. I knew he was not to blame. I never told him that I loved him. He had made the effort, not I.* I never was a wife to him, in word or deed.* There was something in my mind that told me that I had exited my life and joined the despicable race of humans I abhorred*. I used to dream of him; sometimes I used to call his name. But accepting it was tough. I did not. I let it go, or so I thought*. Once he sent me a touching apology, missing me, despite my lack of loving actions and provision*. He was lonely and desperate . He loved me, and that is all he could say*. But I did not. I did not want to return* because I thought he was a liar, and dishonestly made me angry*. But I hardly recognized that I was living a lie myself*.



Last night? he called and apologized to me but I told him that I hated him and that I would rather be dead than be with him. The night seemed to stand still. I knew I wanted him and his loving embrace*. I knew he loved me and was desperate for my empty kisses and the non-existent "I love you's". If he had one last wish I knew it would be my company. I knew I was wrong and I could feel the pains of regret flow through me, like water, no...like acid!* Tears flowed from my eyes. I sat there like a statue in the moonlight with no one to turn to and nothing to hold on to, only my reflection in the moonlight.* Then* I realized that I had to reach him. I had to apologize and I had to get to him and that is why I’m here in this telephone booth trying this trashy phone once again. But it seems to be really busy. I don’t understand why. It’s been quite a while. I punched in the numbers and this time I could hear the phone ring. Someone answered the call. I asked for him. The voice was raspy and not clear. But I heard* enough to understand what he had said. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes. I clutched the phone tight till' my knuckles turned white. I clasped it close to my chest and tears flowed and my heart screamed because yesterday night...I lost that moment...that happiness. Gone, sold and gone.*



I made some revisions, its late, I could really help you out later. I hope you like!
Reply:I don't like it.
Reply:There is great potential here.....I think you have some postive responses in the above answers and hope that you will take advantage of some of the offers. When talent awakens don't sleep through it...GO FOR IT!
Reply:It's a good start if you'd like to write. Im a literary editor and I've been writing, editing, and publishing fiction for years. Nurture such feelings.:)
Reply:Gimme ur mail ID. I need to publish yah.



Also fwd me some of ur other original POEMS.













A reputed Publishing Firm



Contact@ chormor@rediffmail.com
Reply:It's a little too emotional for me it was nice I liked it.
Reply:Don't be so emotion....I am started to cry..Wuaaaa....Wuaaaaa......Wuaaaa....
Reply:wow is that about you and your life if o is sad and it still brings insight you you that you didn't love him but then you did .. but that he was with another woman so you never told him .. and he never knew the truth.. it also sounds like you should have left your ego on the side and told him the truth.. cause now you don't know if it ever would have worked out... and yes its heart wrenching...
Reply:it feels like you are telling your story, the song that your heart, your soul feels it must tell for all to hear
Reply:it is a bit long winded, but the content is good ,need to be set out better , but the sentiment is there and if it is your fist try ,, well dun, keep on writing .
Reply:is this what really happened to you? this is so sad. i could almost relate this to certain aspects of my life.
Reply:i read it:) brought tears to my eyes...hmmmm:)

i haven't read any of the other comments

if this story is YOU...hmmmm:)

you really aren't alone.

there is enough LOVE in this world to go around.



rlharris59
Reply:Well put. If this is you..please seek help. Scares of this depth shuldn't be carried for any length of time.
Reply:Hmmmm well you got something there. Its a little rough round edges. When in doubt leave some out. you don't need toooo much detail but don't leave the reader bord in the first couple sentences you 'noe? Ill be honest, i didnt read the whole thing. not to be mean but i got kinda bord by the time i got to the wedding. Just do a little research on how to plan out a story. But all in all you do have talent there. ~*much luv, Amanda*~
Reply:This is an amazing story!I have an advise for u.Dont even think of any other profession than writing!Im sure that after a few yrs we will have lovely emotional stories to read written by u,Sana-the gr8!