Critique my poem?

A heavy parade of black,

shuffling into a hall,

each grasping a small flower,

and all in line standing tall.



Mother's hands, they tremble,

She's crying, too; her hair in a mess.

What are you crying, Mom,

I ask tugging at her dress?



She just held my hand tighter,

and wipes back all her tears.

What is happening down there?

I ask my mother dear.



Then I see my uncle sleeping,

in a funny-looking bed.

Why are you sleeping at a party?

To my uncle I had said.



I asked my uncle this,

and only with silence did he reply.

Another one of his jokes, I laughed.

So why is no one laughing? Why do they cry?





I need to make my poem flow and work on the meter. Can anyone help me and offer editing suggestions? As you can see, I'm a pretty lousy poet, but I really need help to improve it.



Thanks!

Critique my poem?
It is a very good poem. ^.^

I personally love this part:

"Mother's hands, they tremble,

She's crying, too; her hair in a mess.

What are you crying, Mom,

I ask tugging at her dress?"

Its just so sad. Its like a little kid...so sad...

I love it keep up the good work, i hope to see more of your poems ^.^
Reply:the only suggestion that i would say is that you change "What are you crying, Mom,

I ask tugging at her dress?" to "Why are you crying,..."



your poem is excellent.

you may not be the lousy poet that you think you are.
Reply:what do you mean you are a lousy poet?? i love this poem. i think that your poem is great, it comes from your heart, and i can tell that you really got into character! but seriously, if you don't believe in yourself, then others will do the same. truly, your poem is very well written. and, you should know that you are a great poet. great job, it's lovely. --lost poet--
Reply:"I asked my uncle this,

in the silence he replied

another of his jokes, i laughed

so why do they all cry?"

if you like that better, its a little bit better rhythym.

nice work, this is really pretty. [=
Reply:personally, i love this poem. its beautiful. i love to write poems but i could never write something like this.
Reply:I love this poem. I don't have many suggestions - I'm not a great editor - but it's especially resonant with me, as my grandma recently died. :(
Reply:oh wow. thats soo sad. ur not a lousy poet. i like it sooo much. wats it called?