Part 7 - How can I improve this?

Road to Paradise part VII



I walked,

ignoring the quiet shadow

at my back.

He did not

say a word,

but I could feel him,

suffocating me.



But as I journeyed on,

the sun shone brighter,

the light bloomed out

and birds began to sing,

even though Pain joined them.



Flowers of spring

lined the road,

and I gloried,

knowing somehow

that this road, surely,

would lead to paradise.



No more darkness.



A man stood apart,

holding his hand out,

his heart in it,

offering it to me.

His eyes shone

with the light of earth,

and I knew him...

my love.



"I have waited here

for you."

he said, hesitantly

kissing me.

I took his heart

from his hand

and found it's weight

perfect.



"Will you walk with me?"

I asked.

He smiled, the angel's smile.

"Forever."

And so we walked,

then he turned in fear.

"Who is the shadow

following us?"



Stunned, I swerved.

Pain still stood there,

sorrow in those eyes,

hands clenched.

"That is pain." I answered.



Love frowned. "Make him leave."



"I can't."

Part 7 - How can I improve this?
This shift toward the serene, toward the angel of Love, is beautiful, but bittersweet due to the tenacity of the angel of Pain. I am, as usual, spellbound by the story. I love the lines

I took his heart

from his hand

and found it's weight

perfect

It's a creative and unique expression of the perfection the Love. I will always remember it. Thank you.
Reply:I am in love with this stanza:



"I have waited here

for you."

he said, hesitantly

kissing me.

I took his heart

from his hand

and found it's weight

perfect.
Reply:Wow! Like Grannyjill said to TD just now: You're a human rhyming machine!!!
Reply:You need a can of Dr Euwaite's Spray On Doppelganger Repellent...hehehe
Reply:Don't you dare change a word of this. It has truth and beauty. It is you at your best.



*****
Reply:Wow...Wow is all I can say about this one. Just beautiful. It's not the end is it?
Reply:Love and Pain...where next does she take us? Am enjoying much.