How is this book i am writing? Plz tell me!?

im writing this book is it good?



Chapter 1-



I acted like I didn’t know the strange and unusual man, but I did. I had known him from my dreams, my nightmares, but not real life. I had been searching for him for 3 decades, and now I have found him. I was in the grocery store picking out some oranges for my 4 year old daughter, Kendra at home. That was her favorite fruit so I had to buy a lot of them. But there is where I noticed him. He was grabbing a plastic bag out of the steel bin, and he looked so familiar from they eyes and they shape of the eyebrows. They looked triangular in a way. His eyes looked Chinese, but he wasn’t Chinese at all. I kept acting like he was a stranger to me and I had never seen him in my life. But they whole thing bothered me. So I had to do something about it. So I painfully bumped into him. I didn’t mean to do it painfully, but I did mean to bump him.

“Excuse me?” the man glared at me.

“Oh I’m so sorry”, I said acting like the whole thing was an accident.

“Was it my fault?” he had a quiet English accent.

“No it was all mine, I am sorry again, but by the way are you from England?” I asked him. It was a stupid question but I just had to find some stuff out about this strange man I had seen before.

“Yes, I currently live there”, he said brushing some dust off his shirt and pants.

“I am just here trying to visit this one girl”, he said with his English voice getting higher.

“Oh, your girlfriend?” I asked him. He looked like he was in his low 30’s. But he would have said “my wife” if he was married.

“No I haven’t met her yet!” I looked at him differently. I squinted then rethought this thing over again.

“What if he is looking for me!” I asked my self.

“It’s confusing, I know. But she is in my dreams. And it is always placed here, in Lawton, Oklahoma”, he told me. And I immediately dropped the bag of oranges.

“That is exactly where my dream is placed”, I thought to myself. This is him for sure.

“And she looks familiar to you”, he told me. He started observing me and getting closer. I stepped back 1 step. I was starting to freak out.

“Are you okay?” he asked me. I know I didn’t seem okay but I was.

“Yes, but I have to tell you something”. I answered his question pretty quickly.

“What is it?” he looked deep into my big brown eyes. He had light green eyes that shined so bright.

“My dreams sound just like yours, but I am here looking for a man. And he happens to look exactly like you”, I said quietly.

“We have to meet up some time”, the man told me. I nodded then we shook hands.

“I’m Elizabeth Renner, but you can call me Eliza”, I told him. He smiled and his mouth came open. His teeth were as white as snow.

“And I am Holland Hernie, and you can just call me Holland”, He laughed then let go of my hand.

“We can meet up at my place tomorrow afternoon if you’d like”, I told him. It felt weird just letting a stranger be welcomed into my home, but he didn’t seem like a stranger to me. It felt like we had been friends since the sixth grade.

“Sure, I will need your address though”, he said and chuckled once more.

“Yeah, I live in a hotel right now with my daughter is that alright? She is four years old and deffinately a well mannered sweet heart”, I told him. Trying to convince him my daughter was not a devil of any kind.

“Yes that is splendid”.

“Okay. Well my room number is 133. It is on the third floor and on the left side of the hallway. It has a kitty door hanger on it, that says “WELCOME” .

“Okay, sounds good! Around 2:00 ish then?” he asked me. I nodded then we shook hands again. He looked like a nice man. He looked like he could be anyone’s friend.

Once he left the grocery store and I got in the long waiting lines, I had a tickly feeling inside me. It felt like I had met my true love. But first, before I went that far I had to know stuff about this man. That is why we are having to discuss it. I don’t know why we are doing it at my house though. I guess he just has never really been invited anywhere. And well, he also lives in England. About an hour later I was in the hotel with Kendra.

“When are we going home mommy”, Kendra asked. She was in the middle of peeling her apple.

“Is this going to be our home for a while?” Kendra asked me. She had a shine in her eyes that looked worried.

“This might be where we are staying for a few months”, I told her. Kendra was used to moving because we had been moving for most of her life. I have always been determined to find this guy. So we just kept visiting all of these places. These are the places we have lived: Vermont, Washington, Delaware, California, Georgia, Florida, Ohio, Ireland, France, Maine, New York, and New Mexico. Kendra was always worried we would actually stay in one place. I really don’t think she liked the fact of just staying in one habitat for more than a year. I knew she was going to be home schooled since she was born. Home schooling is hopefully going to start in 1 or 2 years for Kendra.

“Oh!” Kendra replied. Then went on the bed that sat in the middle of the living room and started watching TV.

“Oh and Kendra hunny!” I yelled.

“Yes?”

“There is a man coming over tomorrow he is going to help me”, I told her. She looked at my in a curious way.

“What’s his name?”

“Mr. Hernie”.

“Oh, fine with me”, she said then got back to her TV show. I looked at my poor daughter. I didn’t know if she would ever trust me or even if she trusted me at the moment. I had lied to her a bunch over the past years. I would say, “You will make a friend”. But she would never get to just because we moved so much.

“So your okay with that?” I asked her.

“I don’t want you to uncomfortable”.

“I like meeting new people”, Kendra said to me.

“In fact, I met someone knew today and she is going to come over tomorrow too!” She told me. I looked at her strangely and raised my one eyebrow.

“Oh sweetie, that’s good! Whats her name?” I asked.

“Camille”.

“Camille?” I asked, I was confused, I didn’t know where Kendra had met this little friend at. She had been home alone for only 1 hour. And I had though she had just been sitting around, being lazy like normal kids her age do.

“Yes, is that a problem mommy?”

“No, not a problem at all! But where did you meet her darling?”

“Haven’t you been home alone?”

“Yes. She came through the window”, Kendra was acting normal, like just popping through a window wasn’t weird?

“Oh, sweetie! Weren’t you afraid?” I asked her. She looked at me strange. It looked like she thought every kid could just climb through a window and meet a best friend.

“Mommy, she is nice. But she is lonely and sad! And she also needs a friend like me!” Kendra’s voice sounded all joyful, like she couldn’t complain about this one girl.

“Okay, but where’s her mommy?”

“She killed her, it was an accident though!” Kendra told me with a straight face. I dropped what I was once holding and looked at her with my mouth wide open.

“Kendra, you cant see this girl every again!” I told my baby. I didn’t want her hanging out with a kid that has murdered her mother. That was insane.

“Then you cant hang out with your boyfriend”, Kendra acted like she was now the mother of me!

“He is not my boyfriend Kendra, and I will not let you be the boss of me!” I screeched.

“Mommy, your being mean”, Kendra put her sad face on and crawled onto the couch with her back slumped and her face looking at the ground.

“Kendra, don’t try that on me, I am mad!” I tried to be strong with this whole parenting thing, I was just not used to it.

“Mommy!” she whimpered.

“Oh come on over here Kendra!” I told her, her face grew into a big smile. She came over and hugged me.

“So I can talk to Camille still?” she asked me. Now that right there is what I had to put my foot down at.

“No Kendra, never again!” and what she did next, I would have never predicted! She pinched my leg as hard as she could then skipped into her room, and slammed the door.

I could feel my legs pain. It was like getting stabbed, I didn’t realize a four year old was that good at pinching.

“Don’t slam your door young lady!” I yelled to her.

“Blah, blah, blah!” she told me. I limped to her bedroom door that she currently had. And it was locked.

“Open this door now, Kendra Anne Renner!” I only used her full name when I was really mad at her, and she knew that.

“No Elizabeth! I will not listen to you”, she replied in a screaming matter. All I heard was her calling me by my first name. I had told her this year that she could NEVER call me by my first name, it was always going to be mommy, mom, or mother. NEVER Elizabeth.

“Get your butt out here right now young lady!” I told her. I was furious. I was about to knock down the hotels door. But I knew I couldn’t, and then I would have loads of money that I would owe them.

“Don’t you talk to me in that tone”, her voice got lower and I started to get scared.

“Kendra Anne!!!”

“Elizabeth Theodora”, she replied. I hated my middle name, and she also knew that. I didn’t know what she was thinking, suddenly I forgot about meeting Mr. Hernie the next day. I forgot about the whole dream thing. All of my concentration was set on my daughter.

“Kendra hunny, Im not mad!” I said to her trying to calm down, I thought that she would come out of the room if she thought I wasn’t angry at her.

“No Mommy, you aren’t a good mommy. You lie!” Kendra told me. I looked surprised

“I have never lied to you”, now that was an added lie to my pile of lies. Because I have lied to Kendra a couple times, but she knew I had felt bad about every mistake I have made with her.

“Yes you have, now you are lying again”.

I shook my head, because it was true, she was right. She couldn’t see me shake my head anyways! She was on the other side of the door. But then something funny happened. I heard her talking to some little girl, it was spooky.

“Kendra?” I asked I didn’t want that little girl to hurt her, what if it was Camille.

“Its just my stupid mother, she is always up to some lying scam”, I hear Kendra say to the little girl.

“Yeah, right when I saw your mom in the grocery store, I knew my father had made her!” I didn’t know who had said that sentence; it for sure wasn’t Kendra though. It was more in an Italian accent.

“Ha! Yeah, who’s your father? I bet he is great!” I heard Kendra say all cheerfully.

“A one of the devil’s demons!” the Italian accent spoke. My eyes grew wide, I had to keep listening. I could barely speak.

“Are you kidding me”, I whispered softly. No one but myself could hear me.

“I love the devil, I bet I would love his demon’s too. Camille? Are they nice?” Kendra said in a snotty tone.

“No! Not at all, that is the great part about them! They try to kill all day long, its hilarious! My Uncle Mardi, he is one of the demons and he comes up with the funniest ways to kill people!” I heard them laughing! I couldn’t believe my own little Kendra was laughing at such a terrible thing.

“Quit, let me in Kendra!!!” I wailed with despair.

“That’s her again, being her numskull self”.

“Yes, your right!” Kendra agreed with Camille. I couldn’t believe it. It was outragisly freaky.

“Let me in!” I was banging on the door like a thief would do to get into a room full of money.

“No way!” I heard Camille say.

“Lets shave her in her sleep”. Once I heard that sentence, I fell to the floor. I felt like I could just shoot myself, because it didn’t come out of Camille’s mouth. It came out of Kendra’s.

Just think, my own four year old daughter wanted to shave my head while I was sleeping. How else could I handle the situation.

I was shaking like a Chihuahua, I could barely pick up my cell phone. But I finally got a hold of it. I dialed 911.

I really did know who else to call.

“Hello, you are speaking to Tamara Morre, how may I help you?” the girl spoke through the phone.

“My daughter she wants to kill me. And she is planning how to kill me right now with her friend!” I had a crying voice.

“Ma’m you are going to have to hold on for a few minutes, the police will be there in a minute! We have your address down”. After the woman said that she hung up. I was so jumpy and nervous; I didn’t know what to do next. I really wanted to keep Kendra safe and get her out of the room but before I even knew it she had already came out of her room. It was just her; I saw her head and her fist only. Right before that little fist met with my face and especially my nose I heard “Mommy, you are going to be dead my next month, this is just the start”. I was in a concussion for about 4 or 5 days. The next morning was a Friday. The doctor was in the room with me. I saw flowers on the dresser that lay beside the hospital bed. The floor looked much cleaned up, like someone was expecting a visitor in the room. The tile was very plain, just plain white with brownish pebbles in it.

“Why am I here?” I asked the doctor. He looked at me with a frown on his Asian face.

“A little girl called me and said that an old man that was African American came into the house unexpectedly and punched you right in the face.

I looked at him strange because, I for some reason thought it was my own daughter, so I decided to speak up a bit.

“No, you are so mistaken! It was my daughter! About 3 minutes before this happened, I called the police on her and her friend”. I told the doctor. I didn’t think he would understand me, and I was right.

“Why would you call the police on your daughter and her friend?” he asked me. I didn’t feel like answering so I picked up my arm and lied it on my forehead.

“its alright”. He patted my hand and looked at me, then winked.

“I don’t expect you to know everything”, he said. I looked at him funny.

“But I do know everything”, I thought.

“I have no brain injuries for sure”.

I didn’t say those two sentences out loud, but I for sure thought them. Once the doctor walked out I noticed this guy walking into the room. He had a cane in his left hand, it looked like a very expensive cane too. He was limping and he looked pretty familiar.

“Hello Eliza”, he said. I started to recognize his voice also.

“I met you in the supermarket!” he told me. Then I figured out who he was.

“Oh Mr. Hernie”, I said.

“Call me Holland remember”, he asked me as he grabbed a chair and sat down.

“Oh, right”.

“So, I don’t remember you with a cane!” I told him.

“Oh yeah, I had never rode a bike before, so I tried to and well, I crashed into a tree”, he blushed.

“Oh”, I was laughing. I couldn’t help to laugh. It was funny that he was trying to ride a bike at his age, I had ridden bikes most of my life.

“But why are you in here?” He asked.

“That’s the most important thing!”

“Kendra, she, she-“, I barely could speak. I had so much stuff to say to the man.

“She went mad?” he asked me. He got a hold of my hand and was rubbing it gently, it felt rather good.

“How do you know?” I asked him.

“I had another dream”.

“It was of Kendra, she has a friend named Camille, and Camille is the devil’s child. Her last name is Devil too. But it is spelled a little different so nobody can get suspicious”. I looked at Holland in a weird way.

“How’s it spelled”, I asked quietly.

“D.E.V.I.L.L.E” he spelled it out for me.

One of my eyebrows went up and the other was all the way down, almost on top of my left eye.

“Wow, this all happened in your dream?”

“Yes, and theres more”, he replied in a merry voice. I didn’t know why he was so boisterous. Maybe he was just so happy to find someone who he could share all of this with.

“She hit you, hard”, he said sadly.

“She punched you so quick you didn’t even know it, you just fell right to the floor for a second time in a row”.

He was right, right about all of it. It was like, like, like he was a physic.

“You’re a physic!” I sharply spoke.

“No, my dreams just come true, just like yours!” he told me.

“So you are like the narrator of my life?” I asked him.

“Yes, exactly”.

“And you the narrator of mine”, he told me.

“So your little boy, he did die, at the age of 13?” I asked him.

“Yes. Then my mother-“ he started to talk about his life but I stopped him.

“Your mother, she died because the heart surgeon didn’t pay attention when he was doing surgery on her”, I told him. He started to get tears in his eyes. I forgot I was in the hospital. But we really did need to talk.

“Yes, and sorry to tell you, but you’re the one-“, I stopped him for the second time.

“Who made your life so miserable”. I finished his sentence. He nodded.

“But you have made my life miserable too”, I told him.

“Now look at me”.

He looked to the ground.

“We both need to quit having such dreams”, he said.

“How, we can’t NOT sleep”, I told him.

“And loads of people say you have at least one dream each night”, I said. This was a pretty depressing situation.

“We cant”, he told me. I didn’t know what he meant.

“We cant sleep”. I looked at him in astonishment.

“No, I have to sleep! You have to sleep”, I told him as if he was in about 2nd or 3rd grade.

“We have to, or our lives will get more screwed up”, he told me. I stared at him in confusion.

“No, I’m not doing it! I don’t care if I screw up your life anymore! It is not screwing up any of my life”, I told him, and I turned my back away from him and looked out the window of the hospital. I saw a school-yard. I saw kids riding their bikes up and down the hills. The school bell had just rung. My face was all pale. I couldn’t believe what was happening to my life. I had finally found the guy I had been looking for, and now I was scolding him. What kind of person was I? then I heard a chair get pushed back and a door open. I turned around.

“Wait!” I said. He looked back at me like I was some psycho.

“What? Are you going to scream at me, or be an adult and talk about this messed up situation we BOTH have”, he sound so manly. I couldn’t turn him down.

“Just sit down!” I told him. He closed the door and walked toward the chair once more. He pulled it out and turned it around, then sat on it backwards. I always hated when guys did that, especially older men.

“Talk!” he said. I looked at him with a worried frown.

“I’m sorry for what I just said, but if we AREN’T going to sleep, we have to stick together”. I for sure meant what I said. We couldn’t full around one bit.

“Yes, your right”.

“And, and-“

“We have to stay together 24/7”, he replied.

“Also, we can’t full around! No junk like “I will be back in a second!” we can’t do that!!!!!” I strictly told him.

He nodded.





































































Chapter 2-





“Look at those kids”, he told me. I turned around and looked out the window again.

“They look so happy”, I said loudly. I sounded like I had a cold.

“Yeah”, he agreed. His face turned to a long, stretchy smile.

“Hah”, he laughed.

“They look like they are having bunches of fun!”

“And we need to do that too!” he demanded.

“Your not sick, you have no brain damage! So lets go have fun!”

“No! They didn’t say I am aloud out!”, I told him.

“We can sneak out! Just like when we were teenagers!” he said. I looked at him like he was crazy. Because when I was a teenager, I was stuck in my room studying all night long, not sneaking out.

“What? I stuck in my room for my teenage life”, I told him.

He awakened my hand, and shook it until I figured out I was forced to get up. I got up and felt a little dizzy but I knew I was fine.

“One question!” I said.

“How are we going to sneak out?”

“That’s easy!”

He was holding my hand very tight. He looked a bit worried.

“What I do, is what you are going to do”, he let go of my hand and opened the window.

“have you ever walked on a roof?” He asked me. I shook my head.

“Good gracious Elizabeth!”

When he said that, he sounded like my mother when she got very tense with me. I rolled my eyes.

“Well this is going to be a first”, he said to me. I rolled my eyes once more. He climbed out of the window.

“Now you do it”.

“No, it looks hard!” I told him. It looked like I could fall right off, and I knew I could.

“You have too!” he said. After he said that about 20 seconds later I heard the door creaking.

“Hello, Miss. Renner?” I heard a woman’s voice say. At that moment I knew I had to hurry up.

“Come on”, Holland whispered. I jumped right out of the window. And slammed the window shut, and then locked it. Through the window I saw the woman. She looked very surprised and anxious. I believe she was the cleaning lady.

“Now lets jump!” he said.

“Jump?” I said apprehensively.

“Yes, on the count of three!”

He was sweating also. I grabbed his hand and held it so tight I could barely feel anything.

“One”.

“Two”.

“Three”.

“Jump!”

We both leaped off of the hospital building. I felt like we were in slow motion in the air. Finally we landed.

“Oh my”, I said as we hit the grass.

“Luckily we didn’t hit the sidewalk!” he said. I put my hand gladly on my forehead and then swept it off.

“Yeah”, I said out of breath. I could barely breathe.

“Wow!” I was on my hands and knees, kind of like a dog. I was also panting. But I was laughing too.

We got up gracefully, but then I remembered about Kendra.

“Kendra”, I said loudly.

“I need to find her!!” I grabbed his left hand and started running.

“Wish we could fly!” he said.

“Because you are running so fast, you are like dragging me!”

“Sorry, I just want my daughter!”

“I thought she was evil”, he said. I stopped right when he said that.

“She is only evil when she is with Camille”, I told him.

“I don’t think so”, he said to me.

“Well I do!” I told him. We started to run again.

“Where are we going?”

“To my current apartment!” I told him.

About 30 minutes later we were there at the apartment, we were running up the stairs. I didn’t know why the room I picked had to be so high, even though I was clearly in love with the view.

Once we got to the door I reached into my coat pocket to get the key.

“Where, where is it?” I was talking to myself.

“Where is what?” Holland asked.

“The key”, I frantically answered.

“Oh no Eliza!”

“Yes! I don’t know where it is! I have had it in this exact coat pocket the whole day”.

“What about when we jumped from the hospital roof?” he asked. I looked at the ground in embarrassment.

“Oh my!”

“It must have fell out!” I told him. I started to get startled.

“Oh my world, Elizabeth!!” he yelled at me. But then I suddenly heard whispering coming from inside the room. It sounded like about 4 or 5 little kids about Kendra’s age were have a pretty down right serious conversation.

“Shhh, listen”, I told him. I was speaking like a mouse, so quiet and still.

“What, I don’t hear anything?” he whispered. I put my hand over his moth and we both put our ears against the door.

He nodded and looked a little frightened. I took my hand off of his mouth, and then laid it down beside my hip.

“Oh my!” he said in his English accent. In my head I was thinking how cute he was when he spoke. His English tone was just amazingly sweet sounding, I couldn’t believe it.

But it was only a few seconds before I got back to imagining Kendra in there with Camille, and Camille’s devil friends. I kept asking myself the same questions over and over again-

“Is Kendra even in there?”

“Is Kendra with Camille or other devil kids?”

“Is Kendra ever going to be normal again?”

“Or is Kendra in there with some little girl I have never met before, and this little girl might just be nice, and not a devil”.

Then I started to remember what Camille looked like. Because the only time I had seen her was right before I got knocked out, and that wasn’t for that long either.

“Is Kendra in there?” Holland asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and pressed my ear against the door a little bit harder, and Holland did the same.

“Pixie!” I heard a squeaky voice say on the other side of the door. I think Holland also heard because he looked right at me when the voice said it.

“Pixie do you hear something?”

“Is it coming from the other side of the door?”

I took a deep breath and stepped away to the door.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

“Didn’t you just hear what they said?”

“Yeah but we have to hear more”, Holland spoke. I looked at him in an insane way.

“Are you psycho?” I asked him with my eyes bulging out.

“No, I’m not!” Holland accidentally screamed. Right then and there I knew we had to run.

“Run”, I yelled out to Holland. It didn’t matter if we screamed now because the kids in the hotel room and already heard us and were for sure going to come after us. As I was running I looked back behind me and there was Holland, it looked like he was running for his life.

Right behind him was a blonde haired girl that looked nothing like Camille. She had redish toned eyes, but had light, pale skin. Her eyes were smaller than Camille’s, as I remembered.

“Pixie keep going!” I heard my daughters voice say. I knew I had to keep looking ahead though. There were so much turns I had to make now, I couldn’t look back.

“Keep going Holland!” I yelled to him.

“I’m trying! I have asthma! You gave it to me”, he told me. And yes, it was true. In one of my dreams, he was running and he had a terrible asthma attack.

“Oh, I’m sorry!”

I really did feel bad for the guy! I always did have such terrible dreams. They even made me frightened, and to have them happen to you the next day, well that would be so horrible.

“Keep running though!” I told him. Then I heard Camille’s voice in the background.

“We will hang you and hurt you till you can’t breathe!” she said in an evil tone.

I started to cry a little. Then I got choked up.

“Stop!” I stopped in the middle of the hall way, as Holland kept on going I stopped him.

“What are we doing?” he whispered.

“If my daughter wants to kill me, then let her. I don’t want to live with knowing that my daughter is thinking of all the terrible ways of killing me, then no, I don’t want to live!” I told him. He looked at me with his eyes wide open, I don’t think he knew what to do.

“You go on, if you don’t want to die. Leave me here, I will be alright no matter what”, my eyes got teary and red and I let go of him.

“Its your choice!”

“Well if you die, who will narrate my life?” he asked.

“I don’t know”.

“Then I am going with you!” he said. I was going to look back in front of me to see what Kendra, Pixie, and Camille were doing but once I heard what Holland had said, I looked back behind me.

“Yes, or do you-“ then Kendra and her friends interrupted. i turned around to face Kendra, Camille, and Pixie.

“Are you done having your girl talk with him Elizabeth, and are you now ready to die!” Camille pulled out a knife from her pocket.

“Go ahead! Kill me Camille, and your friends can help you too!” I said In a brat tone. I spread my arms wide open like a cross.

“Now come over here and stab me!” I told them.

Surprisingly Holland stepped away.

“I thought you were doing-“

Before I could finish, someone had already stabbed me in my leg. I fell to the ground holding my thigh.

“Oh my, oh my gosh!” I said.

“Ha-ha! Look what I did! I stabbed my mother!” Kendra looked at me with her eyebrows high and her big white smile. She was holding the bloody knife in her right hand.

“Kendra, don’t! You love me remember!?” I asked her. My poor daughter, she was a slaughter, a killer, a murderer.

“Love you?” she laughed.

“I have never loved you before, you liar mommy!” Kendra said to me, I tried to block that sentence out.

“Holland”, I turned around, still holding my leg, I could feel the blood rushing out.

He wasn’t behind me.

“Holland”, I had a scared voice on.

“Holland, where are you?” I turned around.

“Ahhh”. I saw Holland behind Kendra, Pixie, and Camille. He was holding a gigantic knife. He was running like he was going to miss a very important bus ride. Camille and Pixie were out of luck. They didn’t look in time and before they knew it, Camille and Pixie were on the floor, with blood dripping down there face. There hair was already falling out. Kendra was on the floor too, but she wasn’t hurt at all.

“Holland!” I slid over to him happily. My leg was still throbbing but I was just glad he saved me.

“You’re a savior!” he hugged me, then I put my head on his chest.

“No! You are!” he said. I didn’t get it, but I really didn’t want to start an argument so I just smiled in agreement.

“What happened to Kendra, you didn’t stab her did you?” I asked me frantically.

“NO!” he said.

“She’s just a kid!” he smiled.

“”Pixie and Camille were just kids too!”

“Yes, but they weren’t normal. Kendra was just pazesed”.

“Camille was inside her body, making her do the stuff she was doing!”

“That’s why Kendra fell to the floor! Because it was really Camille’s soul inside her at that moment. She will be up and good in about 3, 2, 1!” he counted down, hoping that Kendra’s eyes would open. And a few seconds after he said one, her eyes opened.

“Mommy”! Kendra said in a sweet voice.

“Hunny!” I screamed.

“Why are you bleeding?”

Then I remember about my leg.

“You, You-“I decided not to tell her.

“I got hurt, in a car accident this morning”, I told her. There was another lie, but it was a white lie and it didn’t matter at the minute anyways.

“Why wasn’t I with you?” she asked me. I didn’t know what to say except two words:

“Long Story”

“And who is this strange man?” she asked. I heard Holland laugh, I giggled a bit too.

“I’m Holland”, he explained to Kendra.

“And you must be Kendra!” He said to my baby.

“Yes, I am Kendra. How do you know Holland?” She asked him. I smiled at looked at Holland as I rubbed his chest gently.

“Your mother, she talks about you lots!” he said looking at me with his British tone.

“In good ways?” she said with a tiny, squeaky voice.

“Oh yeah!” he said to her.

Kendra snuggled up to me.

“Eliza?” he whispered in my left ear.

“Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

“Immediately” I laughed and looked at him with a huge smile.

















Supposed to be a picture here !







The Hallway that this all happened in!















Chapter 3-













Once we were in the hospital and I was all stitched up, I was fine. Holland and Kendra had stayed with me a few days in the hospital and today was the day I was getting out. I was so excided until the doctor came in and said

“Sorry, you have to stay in for at least 2 more days!”

I looked at him like he was nuts.

“What? No you must be looking at another Elizabeth’s paper!” I told him. He shook his head.

“No, you’re the one with the stabbed leg right?” he asked.

“Thigh”, I corrected him.

“Yeah, Yeah, whatever!” he said.

“Anyways-“

“Well let me just talk to Mr. Hernie privately!” he said.

I think the doctor that Holland and I were married or something, even though we weren’t.

I kept wondering if Holland and I would ever get married. I mean come on now, we narrate each others lives. As Holland walked at the door and slowly closed it, I looked at Kendra, she was falling asleep.

“Oh darling!” I patted her on the head. Even though she didn’t remember anything, I still felt sorry for what she had gone through. Then suddenly I wondered if Holland had a dream about all of this happening. Like me getting wounded. He must have because how else did he know to get ready to stab Camille and Pixie. And he already said that he knew about Kendra meeting Camille and Pixie. I was really confused at the moment, but I didn’t want to think about it.

“Holland!” I said as a he walked back in with his hands in his pocket.

“Okay, well the doc is not coming back in for right now, I need to talk to you”, he told me as I listened.

“The doctor said when she stabbed you she might have hurt a vain, and you just don’t feel the pain YET!” he told me. I looked at him.

“No, I am never going to feel pain anymore; I am going to have a perfect life”.

“That’s not what Mr. Fealix said”, Holland looked at me like my old father used to do.

“Who is that?” I asked him.

“Your doc”.

“Oh”, I sighed, then looked around. Kendra was still sleeping and I didn’t want to wake her up.

“Are you leaving then?”

“No, if I have really found the woman who narrates my life, there is no way I am leaving her at some unknown hospital!” he said. When he said that, it sounded so sweet. His British accent and his blue eyes were darling.

“Aww”, I said. He looked at me weird, but then smiled.

“Okay so do you want me to wake your daughter up so I can tell her?” he asked me. I shook my head.

“Okay well I need some rest and you do too!” he pulled the blanket more up on me then her pulled out his chair and made his little bed.

“Yup, I know”, I told him. I was happy at the moment. Even though I knew I had to stay in this hospital for at least two more days, I knew I would have Kendra and Holland, and at that moment they were the ones I loved most.

About 3 hours later, after everyone had finished sleeping, Holland went out to get us Taco Bell fast food. He had left about 15 minutes before Kendra woke up, and Kendra woke up about 30 minutes ago.

“Where is he with the food?” Kendra asked.

“Where is Mr. Hernie?”

“I don’t know baby!”

“Well I am starving!” she said to me. I looked at her and said

“So am I! Maybe he is getting warmer blankets for us! Maybe an electrical blanket”. I was just coming up with ideas on the spot, what else could I do at the moment?

“I want food instead”, she wined.

“Kendra just be happy!” I told her.

“If mommy’s alright and all better in 2 days, will you clean up your act?”

“Sure mommy, anything for you”, she started being sweet again, and then I kissed her on the forehead.

“Mommy! That’s embarrassing”, she looked at me with her dark green eyes and her cricked cute teeth were showing.

“No one is in here baby girl!”

Kendra laughed then before we knew it, about 5 minutes later the doctor walked in.

“Phone call for Mr. Hernie!” the woman said.

“Mr. Hernie left about an hour ago”, I told her.

“Mr. Hernie left about and hour ago Miss.” The woman spoke to the phone.

“Miss?” I said quietly.

“Why would it be a woman?”

Then the woman handed the phone to me. She wants to talk to you. I looked at the phone in a delirious way.

“Me?” I pointed to myself.

“Yes, You!” the woman doctor gave me the phone then walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

“Let me talk!” Kendra giggled and put her hand out for the phone.

“No Kendra!” I said.

“Hello”.

“Hey, why have you been hanging out with my dad so much?” it sounded like a teenage girl.

“Your dad? Who is your dad hunny?” I asked the girl.

“Holland Hernie, Holland Howard Hernie”, she got specific.

She had a British accent too.

“Are you his daughter?” I asked her.

“Duh! I live in England with him, and he was out in America looking for this girl in his dreams!” she sounded so mixed up. I was too so it was okay.

“How old are you sweetie?”

“15, soon to be 16 and driving!” she sounded excited.

“And how old are you?” she asked me.

“27”.

Then she paused.

“Oh, this girl sounded much older in his dreams like about 35 or 36ish”, she said to me. I laughed.

“Are you sure you’re her?”

“Yes, we are both sure”

“How did you find out we were all at the hospital?”

“Well the last time I talked to my dad was about 3 days ago, and he told me that he found you and all that, then he said where you lived and where he was going to be staying”, she explained.

“And since he hadn’t called me in a while, I thought one of you was hurt, so I looked up the nearest hospital in your guys’ area. And then I suddenly found you!” she said. Her British accent was coming along, it was so cute when teenagers talked in British accent, and I thought it was pretty neat.

“Smart, right?” I asked her.

“Wickedly!” she loudly spoke.



























Chapter 4-









So as we talked she asked about her father. I told her where he went last and that he hasn’t came back and she sounded very confused because she said he was always on time, never late.

Then she told me about her life and how it was going exceedingly well, and how she loved every minute of her time being alive. She cherished what she had with her dad, and she loved him very much. She also told me her name, which was Nicolette, but everyone calls her Nicole for short. And now it was my turn to tell her about me.

“Well I am 27, like I said and have a 6 year old daughter named Kendra”. Kendra smiled when I told Nicole.

“Aww”, Nicolette said.

“I love children!”

“Cool and I have lived in a lot of places also, I have been looking for your father too, and now I have found him”.

“Oh that’s wicked”, she said. I laughed. I had never heard anyone use that word so much in one day.

“So do you think you guys are going to get married?” she asked me, and that was the question I had been asking myself for the past couple days.

“Yeah, I don’t know yet Nicole. That would be very fast for me at least, I know we are good friends now though!”

“Oh”, Nicole sounded sad when she said that.

“You sound very nice”, she said.

“Oh, well you do also”, I told her.

“So does your daughter!” I smiled. Kendra heard Nicole say that.

“I know I am awesome!” Kendra said quietly. I laughed.

“Okay well I better jet”, Nicole said.

“But I will talk to you later Miss. Renner!”

“You can call me Eliza!” I told her.

“Okay! Bye now!”

“Bye”. As I pushed the end button, I had so many questions to ask Holland. Then I dialed the numbers that I thought of on the phone.

818-290-9923. That was Holland’s cell phone number. I remember him giving it to me, and me not writing it down but just remembering it by heart.

How is this book i am writing? Plz tell me!?
I read a good portion of this, but not all. It seems to me that you are writing about some things you don't know, like four-year old girls (any children around that age), and motels, and perhaps time.



Examples: children that age aren't 'lazy' or 'lying around a lot.' Not at all. Also, there is no way a four-year old could have been in all those different places and even remember them enough for you to write something like 'she didn't want to live somewhere for a whole year.' Kendra would barely know what a whole year feels like.



Also: there are lots of extra 'y' s on words (especially the word 'the'), and you first refer to Eliza's eyebrows as raising 'my single eyebrow'... (see how that sounds?)

And when you mention Kendra's new friend as having something to do with killing, I thought Kendra's mother killed her, not the conclusion your character makes.

And if a motel room is on the third floor, it will not have a number that starts with '1,' nor have I ever heard of any motel or hotel door having a 'cat door' in it. And why does this one?



RE: dreams, staying awake, people to search for or not... The part about each person dreaming the other's life has been almost done in, in movies at least, most recently by one which stars Emma Thompson and Will Farrell, though she is a writer writing his life.

Suggest you stick with things you know, at least in details.

Keep trying... keep practicing, and keep reading.
Reply:it's really good so far. keep on going. Report It
Reply:Wow, you have some great, creative ideas in this piece!

I think it's interesting that they dream about each other's lives,etc. And you were good with the creepy factor of the little girl.



There are a few things though, that could be improved on. like, at the very beginning, I would like them to have a better way to meet.

Also, just add a few more details about the setting throughout, so it feels more real. (And one more thing--a 4 year old probably wouldnt be left home all alone while her mom goes shopping)



But you have a good start, and I hope you keep writing!!
Reply:Wow that was the best stroy ever! TThanks for wiriting your book. That is very good! Oh, and did you like my book that i worte to you?
Reply:Well! You do have a knack for writing conversation. That's what people enjoy a whole lot and it is such a great story. I read a lot of books in a lot of categories and have started my own book. Haven't worked on it in some time though.



For a first draft, this is marvelous. I can surmise where this story is going, but I may be wrong.



Do you know where the story is going, how you want to end the book. What you want the reader to experience. It sounds like a thriller. It thrilled me, can't wait to read the rest.
Reply:Sorry. I couldn't get through half the first chapter. You're about 14, right? Maybe I'm just too old to appreciate it...